-lamenting-

i never asked for your attention and to tell you honestly, i never cared for it. i never cared for your approval nor did i mind your acceptance. i am just doing my own thing and running my life the way i usually do. so please do not make sound as if i needed your attention to survive. i dont.

that's what i wanted to say that to one of my big boss. i just hate him. ok allow me to clarify the matter. my team was performing brilliantly and as my senior OM puts it, it's "phenomenal". so, the top 3 big bosses went over to my station to commend me for the team's performance. at that time my team's quality score is at 98.11%. in the most sarcastic tone, he asked me: "so, is that like 3 surveys?". fuck him! i hate bragging but i just felt like shoving our numbers on his face. so i told him, "actually that is for 6 csat all a hundred, and 45 cr!ft surveys at 97.11%". he fell silent.

i just hated that moment.

-just a thought-

this is my ten cents worth of pondering about things that i am not even sure if they deserve to be pondered upon.

i really think that there is an irony in each of us -we long to be with with somebody with whom we can share a part of us with and yet when we feel that we have met that person, we are so scared to be with them because we are scared to take the risk of being hurt. we are scared and it cripple us as a person.we are scared about things that we do not know. and the most insane of all fears, as far as i am concerned is the fear of not meeting other people's expectation. we care too much about what will the rest of the world say when we act on the things that we really like. we care too much about THEIR expectations because a part of us would like to please THEM because by not doing so, we'll be ALIENATED.

but come to think of it, who suffers? if you listen to the rest of the world and follow what they expect you to do, and for some reason you end up being miserable, can you blame them? i don't think so. you have consciously made a decision to follow them. my take is rather hedonistic but i'd like to think it is realistic. personally, my take is that, the world will not be there for me when i am already in misery, in fact it might even blame me for it. i think that nothing matters except the things that would make us happy, that would complete us as a person. they might ask us to take some deviations and act against certain rules. but hey, at the end of the day, you'll be left on your own and you reap the fruits of your decisions.why not harvest the fruits that makes you happy rather than the fruits that would bring you misery?

-i am starting my month with this-

i miss you. in a short while we shall be together. after a long gap of absence, we shall be together again.

it is funny but when you look at it we have been apart more than we have been together and yet i am still not used to your absence. i still long to see you each day. funny but the virtual interactions that we have are too real for me. each message you sent via sms seemed like you talking to me. but i still miss you.

i miss being with you. spending a lazy afternoon cuddling with you. or to just listen to you share to me your life experiences. i love learning and i love to do it with you.

i do not know why there has been times when i feel that i no longer love you or i am beginning to slowly forget you. i do not understand myself why do i have to be distracted.

despite all these, i am just glad that you never failed to be there for me. you never failed to cheer me up when i am down. you never failed to lift me up when my morale is lower than the ground. i love you.