Power Play

All human relationships are governed by power, says my college professor. We select friends based on power - whether we like to admit it or not. We either want to govern or be governed; to be the slave or the master.

And yes, I admit that there are instances when power gets the better of me and I flaunt it proudly as a male peacock is to his feathers. Needless to say that there are those who get offended. There are those who'd feel that I'm "power tripping" or am unfair.

Again, my endless question on fairness and justice: when do we say that things are just and fair? Is it when the odds favor us? Do we duly recognize justice when it's painful and bitter? Or that is the time that we cry injustice?

The past few days I guess were one of those days when pride and ego gets the better of me and I insist that everyone recognize it. That happened today. Twisted as I may seem, the past days, I felt that one of my reps is somewhat asking me to do things the way he'd like them done. I am open to suggestions, criticism and comments but I guess my doors are closed to orders. I had to make him feel where I stand and where he does and I I must admit that I showed it in a harsh way.

I feel like a megalomaniac feeling threat lurking on his doorsteps. It's downright pathetic but I succumbed to it.

All relations are governed by power. Now my challenge is to find the position to be in: am I the slave or the master?

Routines

Routines build our foundation, or they at least create a rhythm that make us fee secured or assured.

For the life of somebody like me who seems to be always disoriented, creating routines has been my way of stabilizing my unstable life in this equally unstable reality. Situations change abruptly - sometimes even beyond what we are prepared to accept. More often, routines calm me (ha, OC you'd say. I probably am). It puts me in place - knowing when to do and what to do. You may say that it's a pretty boring life. Well, it gets boring sometimes, I must admit. There are times when I get out of my routine, breathing in fresh air and strolling in a place I have not set my feet on yet, or sometimes I simply forget.

For the longest time I thought that my routines are self-serving. I never thought that another person might get the same sense of security or stability out of the routines I have. It surprises me when somebody asks why didn't I do this or that. And when I ask them why, they'd just say that they just got used to me doing those.

And it makes me think that part of us loves routines no matter how much we deny it.

Lessons

I am quarter century old and I may say that the years have molded me to the complex person that I am. Young as I am, I know that I have accomplished things that could make any parent proud. I have also found myself in a dozen situations that I taught me life in a brutal way. I have stories that I am sure would keep my future children and grandchildren fascinated. I have in one form or another achieved the things I once thought impossible.

I am not sharing my list of (mis-) adventures on this blog but some of the lessons I've learned in my 25 year long journey. Lessons that taught me to walk with my head high but still keeping my feet on the ground and my neck between my shoulders.

1. Be true to your self. Your measure of happiness should not be about what other people say are good or right for you but what you know would make you feel happy. If at the end of the day, when the rest of the world is no longer looking at you, and you face yourself in the mirror, you should be able to tell your self that yes, you are happy for the choices you made.

2. Be accountable for your actions and your decisions. Stand by them whether the consequences are favorable to you or not.

3. Say thank you more often; be sincere when you show appreciation. People likes to feel that they are appreciated for what they've done no matter how little it is.

4. Choose your friends and take care of them. Not everyone who tells you they are your friend are really your friends. Friends are people who respects your individuality, accepts you for your choices, and loves you for who and what you are - devoid of your material possessions and social status.

5. Laugh. Life is too wonderful not to be enjoyed. The people who thinks that life is a race are in for disappointment when they reach the finish line. They'd soon realize that they've rushed life too much that they forgot to appreciate the world, the people around them, and themselves. The end of that race is the end of their life as well. Savor each step.

6. Have faith. Believe that there is a God and that not all things can be calculated or measured. Believe in a God who is not bounded by religious doctrines or sectarian belief. Find God in your own terms and not because He was introduced to you in a certain way. Share your spiritual experience with others not intent in converting them but in making them understand and appreciate how wonderful God is.

7. Ask questions. Seek knowledge. Be thirsty for learning. Do not let your day end without you learning a new thing. When we stop learning the world becomes less interesting and life less worthwhile. Share what you've learned so that another person would find out that life is more interesting than what they thought it was.

8. Think before you speak. The tongue is such a powerful part of the body. It can build relationships. It could burn friendships. It could destroy life. Communication is irreversible. When you say something you can no longer take it back no matter how much you apologize afterwards.

9. Love fully. Love hurts but it hurts even more when you know that you have not given it all. What ifs and could have beens are the hardest enemies to fight.

10. Know your place in the world. Be proud of what you have accomplished but do not compare yourself to others. It might make you feel too proud to the point of making others feel less of themselves or it might make you feel that what you have done is so futile that it makes you feel less than them. Just know where you stand and feel a sense of accomplishment enough to make you feel confident to take on another challenge.

11. Respect people not for their social status, achievement, sexual preference, title or ideological standpoint. Respect them simply because they are people and like yourself, you'd like to be respected. A note on respect, cliche as it may seem, it is something earned and not solicited nor demanded.

12. Sex is not something you engage in to gain leverage or favor much more monetary reward. Think of it as sharing your self to another person. Choose whom to give a part of you.

13. When you complain, be sure you are ready to present an alternative option to what you are complaining about. If you complain that a system, a process or a behavior does not work, you should be ready to present a way to make it better. Otherwise, it all be noise or useless whining.

14. Plan for the future. Though it is something that is unfathomable a plan makes it a little easier to traverse. It gives you a sense of direction and a sense of fulfillment when you've reach it. Save for the rainy days more specially financially. If you are enjoying financial freedom currently, save as much as you can should some crisis strike, you'd have some cushion to fall on.

15. Find joy in simple things. Be happy that you have roof over head, people who appreciates you, food on your table, clothes on your back. If you can share what you have in excess.

16. Believe in the power that a single person has. Be a catalyst.

17. Do not be afraid to be different. Not because a great majority of your people are engaging in an action, or choosing a certain option that you have to be like them. You should stand by what you believe is right. You always have an option. Remember, not choosing is still a choice.

18. Listen. This is a skill least developed in most of us. We always talk and hardly ever listen. Listen to what the other person is saying and not saying. You would be able to understand things better. Also, listening is the simplest way of showing respect and appreciation. Each person is eager to tell his story; most are just waiting to an ear that is willing to listen.

19. Nobody could make you feel inferior without your consent.

20. Celebrate your sauces and your shortcomings. Reward yourself for your achievements. Celebrate the lessons that you learn for your shortcomings. View failure as an opportunity for improvement. Always find the positive amidst the negative and live that lesson.

21. Believe that good things still happen. Never lose hope. Hope is a good thing. It makes you the sun despite the heavy rain. Keep an optimistic heart but a realistic head. Be realistic when assessing the situation but always be hopeful that things would always turn out for the better.

If You Must go

If you must go, then just go.
Don't think about the thousand yesterdays
that you and I have shared.
They'd bear no weight.

Just fly away and flee.
Do not look back.
Because if you are expecting tears
to hold you back; you won't get them.

Take the first step and run away.
Run like you're running for your happiness.
Don't stop and check if some one's trying to catch up
Because there will be no footsteps following yours.

But should you decide to extend your arm
to close the space between us
I'd throw myself to you with no hesitation.

There would be no promises, no empty words
I will not even tell you that this time would be better
all I know is that now I'd have another chance to show you
how this love made me breathe, how it made me complete
and how it constantly reminds me that without you
I would cease to exist.

What Makes You Happy

I had - what I may say - one of the most rewarding conversations I've had with my former supervisor.

I am currently at a point where I feel no satisfaction with my job. I am just doing it for the money it gives every pay day. I find no personal fulfillment, happiness, contentment whatsoever. I know that it is a very pathetic state to be into more specially that my job entails motivating people to perform. The irony of it all!


I was looking for options and trying to find another job hoping that I would be able to bring back the motivation back to my now exhausted motivational level. And again, my eyes are welling because I remember my agents back in Baguio. I remembered how caring and thoughtful they were, and how we have practically spent our days laughing at ourselves or sharing stories about our own lives. To say that we have a harmonious relationship is an understatement. We have formed friendships. And to date they are still the epitome of a team for me.

But then I could drown my self with nostalgia and everything will still stay the same. I am still bound to face the situation I have. And yes, I have tried more than once, in fact I try each day I go to work to find one thing or anything that could make me make to love it like I used to but each day, I go home tired - not from work but because I was there but not for the right reasons.


So there I was one pretty ordinary morning, blankly staring at the monitor and trying to find a job online when I noticed that my former supervisor was online from my instant messenger. We had a small talk and I told her that I do not feel happy with my work anymore and am considering to find another job. She told me: "You are still young. Find what makes you happy." And there I was dumbfounded as if I have just won a million dollars and still cannot believe that I won. Yes, I am still young and I should find what my happiness is, and where my heart lies.

To cut the story, I got out of that company and now am very happy and content with my new one. Yes, there were the usual bumps and turns but I am happy with the people that I work with. I feel open with them and feel that they can accept me for who and what I am and I guess that is one of the most important components that makes working fun.

Most Embarassing Moment

If asked what is the most embarrassing moment of my life, I always get spaced out - not that I do not have any; I just cannot recall one. But if you would ask me that question now, I have a ready answer. Here goes my embarrassing story.

It was the usual hectic day at work. I was assisting my team and would occasionally help agents from other teams too.

So as I was busy with my paperwork, an agent approached me and told me he got an escalation and he needs help. I looked around. There were no supervisors on the floor but me. Ugh, I got to take the escalation (I hate taking escalations). So I walked to this agent's station which is like 3-4 bays away from my team's. As I was standing beside him while he was prepping his caller, I noticed that the two agents in front of me. They were whispering to each other. My gut tells me they were talking about me. Why? I have no idea.

So I took the escalation, talked to the fuming irate caller and ended the call. I decided to go to the jane to take a pee. And there I got my answer. the front of my pants has a very big stain - blood stain. I did not notice that my period was too heavy enough to stain my pants. That is just half of the embarrassment.

I have no extra pants stashed away somewhere in the office so I have to go home. I have to inform my Boss that I need to quickly go home and change. So I knocked on my Boss' office, opened the door and said "Boss, I have to quickly run home. I need to change my clothes." My boss took a few seconds to digest what I said, let out a knowing smile but permitted me anyway. My Boss happens to be a guy.

A Prayer

Lord, please grant me the patience to understand the things that may be beyond my understanding. Help me appreciate the people whom I may have difficulty appreciating. Help me find beauty in things.

Lord, grand me the courage to accept that I am wrong. Humble me and make me accept criticisms with an open mind and an understanding heart. Please let me find ways to work out my opportunities. Help me help others help themselves to be better.

Lord, please grant me patience to accept that results do not happen overnight.

Most of all Lord, help me appreciate the beauty that everyone has.