I live like there is no tomorrow, love as if I do not know heartache, dream as if i have not known failure, embraced the world as if it embraced me back, and I write as if I will die without words.
I am Ayien.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

i am the most stupid person who ever walked this planet. that is not an understatement but a mere verbalization of truth.

in full awareness of the consequent pain that will follow after this very stupid action, i still decided to act to beget transient pleasure.

let me elaborate on the matter. i met somebody interesting lately. to say that i am attracted to him is understated. i also know that the attraction that he decided to throw to my direction is never pure and is aimed to satisfy an end. i should have controlled what i felt as i often do. but instead of controlling it and submitting myself to the faint voice of my better judgement, i allowed myself to be overpowered by my gluttonous need for attention. i have submitted to what little and transient satisfaction i'll get from the miser attention that you throw upon me which in time will be substituted by unthinkable pain.

i know for a fact that the likes of you will never take me seriously. each one of you never did. and yet despite this knowledge, i am allowing myself to be hurt and to possibly damage the relationship that i have with the only person who has truly loved me.

now, tell me that i am exaggerating when i said that i am the most stupid person who has walked this planet.

"Pleasure can be supported by an illusion; but happiness rests upon truth.” Sébastien-Roch Nicolas De Chamfort

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