-i know-

you stare at me as if you know me
read me, drink me, digest me
but you know and i know that
you know not a single thing about me,
not a single thing about me.

you talk to me as if you know me
comprehend me, follow me, undertstand me
but you do not.

and you know that i know
that you never knew
the me that weeps
each time you forget that i exist.

i know that you never heard me weep
when i am in pain, or troubled, or simply crying
because i know and i know that you know
that you never cared.

i also know but i dont know
if you already know
that i have already come to know
that all of the things that you throw to my direction
are nothing but a hollow show of affection.

i am the most stupid person who ever walked this planet. that is not an understatement but a mere verbalization of truth.

in full awareness of the consequent pain that will follow after this very stupid action, i still decided to act to beget transient pleasure.

let me elaborate on the matter. i met somebody interesting lately. to say that i am attracted to him is understated. i also know that the attraction that he decided to throw to my direction is never pure and is aimed to satisfy an end. i should have controlled what i felt as i often do. but instead of controlling it and submitting myself to the faint voice of my better judgement, i allowed myself to be overpowered by my gluttonous need for attention. i have submitted to what little and transient satisfaction i'll get from the miser attention that you throw upon me which in time will be substituted by unthinkable pain.

i know for a fact that the likes of you will never take me seriously. each one of you never did. and yet despite this knowledge, i am allowing myself to be hurt and to possibly damage the relationship that i have with the only person who has truly loved me.

now, tell me that i am exaggerating when i said that i am the most stupid person who has walked this planet.

"Pleasure can be supported by an illusion; but happiness rests upon truth.” Sébastien-Roch Nicolas De Chamfort

-how to forget?-

tell me how to forget you -
erase your memory off my find,
forget each conversations we've had,
forget that in this very short while
i came to think (or even believe)
that i have fallen in love.

tell me how can i make you
a thing of my past,
a chapter in this novel called life.

tell me how can i shake you
off my system. teach me how to
breathe fresh air, devoid of your
intoxicating and familiar presence.