-we are running a business here-

i'd still like to believe that people are innately good and would have good intentions when interacting with other people. we all still aim to have the greatest good for the greatest number. however, there are times when our selfish drives become more prominent that it tramples the common good. there are also moments that when understanding and consideration reach its limit and all bonds formed by friendship fades and the "professional" aura surfaces.

i have tried to understand how much people need their job and since i am in a way among the factor that could make them keep theirs, i try by best effort to save them away from the pink slip. however, as i always tell my people "we are running a business here". cold as it may seem, but it is the reality that we face. and despite how much you understand their reasons for not meeting what is expected of them - whatever measure that may be.

speaking for myself, it is easier to be perceived as a friend rather than the uptight, serious boss. but hey, we are running a business here and not something else.

-anticipation-

i always say that the anticipation part of any event is the hardest. crossing the days off your calendar or counting the number of hours left before an event is trying.

i dont know how many times have i been in this situation: my partner and i made out and my period becomes delayed. i painstakingly count the number of days when i can run tests to verify if i am pregnant or not. it stirs various emotions namely excitement, fear and anticipation. excitement is very obvious. fear because ours is a complicated situation and being in such a condition would be very problematic not just for me and my partner but for the upcoming baby. and again, anticipation of or the presence or the absence of a child. for the confirmation of either of the possible scenarios would determine the next step that i ought to take as an individual and us as a couple.

waiting is always tough because you are placed in a position where you hardly any control of the situation. in a way you fall victim to the anticipation of the possible outcome of the waiting period.

-applaud-

it feels good to be acknowledged. somehow it affirms our existence. much of the noise about alienation i believe centers on our need for affirmation. and why not should it be centered on affirmation or recognition? who does not want to have their effort validated? though there are moments in our lives that we'd love to be invisible from the scrutiny of the world, there is still this spot in us that would love to me noticed and appreciated. we are after all social beings.

As social beings, it gives us a level of security in knowing that somebody went out of their selfish ways to recognize us. it somehow affirms our need to feel special because if we are not special, nobody would bother disrupt their routine just to acknowledge our presence.

acknowledgement is also given as a form of reward if somebody has done something good, exemplary or brilliant. and since such an action is derived from performing an exemplary act, acknowledgement becomes a novelty, a desired prize.

and yes, it really feels so good to be applauded but more importantly it feels so good to know that you are not merely an invisible individual who breathes everyday but your existence matters.

-jan 1 '08-

this is my saddest new year to date.
at the strike of mid night, here i am sitting alone in my station without anybody with me - my team in no longer in and the rest of the center is busy attending to their calls. i did not feel any warm smile or greeting, instead of being cheery, i felt blue.

if this is a preview of the rest of the year, i am scared to face it for i am scared to be alone.