I live like there is no tomorrow, love as if I do not know heartache, dream as if i have not known failure, embraced the world as if it embraced me back, and I write as if I will die without words.
I am Ayien.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

-this is it-

i came to this conclusion last night, and it is a sad conclusion, the kind of answer that i'd like to forget for now - this is the farthest our relationship could go, there is no longer a next level for us.

i came to this understanding when i finally had the courage to admit to myself that he is evading all topics pertaining to a more serious relationship - like getting married and having our own family. i ahve been waiting for him to take the initiative to meet my family or have me introduced to his but after 5 years, none of this happened and there are no signs of this happening in any near or distant future.

i dont know what's gonna happen from here on. but one thing is sure - no more hopes for me. no more plans about future children or dream house/s. right now i am just letting myself drink the moment until such time that i am already too bloated to drink more.

this is a sad sad conclusion that i have come to realize after trying to understand the silence, the pattern and the unspoken.
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