slowly i am falling into a vacuum. sometimes, i just wish that the voidness will eat me and turn me into void as well. sometimes, i fight back. i don't want to be swallowed by emptiness. i believe i am not empty. i believe. i always believe.
taking the blasted freudian analysis, one could say that such an attitude is a resultant of an oral fixation - oral incorporative to be specific. but men, i cannot simply reduce this feeling, this attitude to such an outdated theory! but then, at times this is the best escape. at least there is something that i can grope on to, to anchor my my questions. but this nagging dilemma has plagued me for quite a time now. i have wanted to scream until my tonsils lose their hold to that whatever part of my anatomy. i have tried to bang my head on the wall if only to take this thoughts out of my system.
but then again, who am i trying to fool? i cannot forever run. i have to face my biggest fear. i have to confront my self.
it is going to be a bloody battle. that's for sure...
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