Mis-adventures of the Half-wit Me

-rants-

i hate this phase. i hate showing emotion and affection. it makes me feel so vulnerable, so weak, so helpless, so powerless and worse it makes me feel as if i am under the control (manipulation) of somebody.

i hate it when i feel so helpless and confused.
i hate it when people make me feel worthless.
i hate it when i feel i am being played around.
i hate it when i look as if i am begging for attention.
i hate it when i miss you - it makes me feel so weak and dependent.
i hate it when i wake up in the morning and i think of you
because that would make me think of you the whole day
and expect that you do the same (which i am sure you don't).

i hate it when i begin to make tiny plans that include you
i hate it when i begin to imagine how life would be like with you
i hate it when all i can think of is you
i hate it because i feel so dependent to you
or at least to the idea of you.

i just hate it when i find myself in this rut -
trying to create the situation for a non-existent love