Mis-adventures of the Half-wit Me

-well now-

the question is: have i been working smarter? hmmn... i would like to be technical and ask, how do we say that i am or i am not working smarter? is it by producing the numbers required of me? or is it something else?

since the time that i have been in this account, my team has consistently generated the numbers so far. and to date, despite the team's performance, i still doubt if the said success can be attributed to me or some of it to my management skill. to date, i am 2 years 4 months on the company, and 1 year 11 months as a coach and yet i am still not confident with my skills as a manager. honestly, i have not passed any of the interviews i've had external (i have thoughts of moving out).

sometimes i feel that it is just a stroke of luck that i was able to produce the numbers that i need to give. but beyond that i do not feel that i have done much. none of the agents that i have handled was able to make it to the next level. i count this as a failure on my end to shape leaders.

yes, i feel so incompetent. i never had the confidence to say that i am good in what i do. i appear good because the people that i handle are good. there is not much value added on my end in this performance. yes, it is true that there are new agents who come to the team who has areas to be improved on and fortunately they have improved but i still do not feel that i have the faintest right to own that improvement.

have i been working smarter?

i'd like to think that i have. i'd like to think that meeting the expecations or even exceeding them is enough. but as a leader, i'd like to feel the ripples that i make in their lives. have they been a channged person because of me? have i made any significant change in their life? will they remember me as that manager who helped them to be where they are now? i'd like to see some life changing moments in them. i'd like to be remembered as somebody who has influenced them positively no matter how minute that influence may be.

am i working smarter?

i'd like to think that i am, but right now i just do't feel it.